A few days later

Well it's dead, Julie's car that is. My dad seems to think it's a main bearing. I can get a new (junk yard) engine for $200.00, but the car was only $600.00 so I think I'll just part it out. So Julie's first paycheck is going to a car. This is where everyone we know chimes in, "Julie's working now, you should buy a new car." Why? I paid $600.00 for a car that lasted 9 months, all I had to do was put an alternator in it. 9mo = $683.00 or $70/mo. What can I buy for $70/mo????? So, instead of paying $350-$450/mo in car payments I'll keep buying used cars at maybe $1500 ea if it last 4 months I'm ahead. We'll save for a few months and then buy a used minivan for sub $3500.00, check out craigslist and you'll be surprised what you can get for that price. I know people that still owe $5000.00 on vans I can buy today for less money.

In other news, I'm sooooo angry with my kids right now, well the 9, 7 and 6 year olds. When we got up for church on Sun morning the family room, dining room and therapy room were all clean. I left for work before we got home and was home by 7 (I was gone 7 hours). The family room , entry way, therapy room, and dining room TRASHED. This bs, I'm going to kill them (not really). Kids their ages can pick up after themselves. I'm done, the hammer is coming down. They only have, what 7 weeks till Christmas. Oh, it's going to suck for them.

I'm a bad Christian

THIS HAPPENED ON JUNE '07

well the title got your attention.

Yesterday was Julie's graduation. What a great day. I was so proud of her. Isaac and Abby were there, they yelled , "that's my mom." Good kids.



After that I picked up Sam, Simon, and Rachel from the sitters (thanks McCann's). On to Sam's baseball game. We were 10 minutes late, I knew this would be a problem. You see Sam needs to get there 10 PRIOR to the game, that allows him to see what's going to be happening. So when it was his time to bat, he flat out refused. He screamed and threw a bat at some one. I looked at everyone around and NO ONE cared. You see Sam plays in the Miracle League for special needs kids. Not a single person there cared, no one looked down at Julie and I, No one said a word to us.

It was such a nice day Julie, her mom, and I thought it would be fun to go out to eat, so off to Cracker Barrel. Sam did not want to be there. Actually he would have been fine if we had gotten food at some point. Sam had it. It was a long day he was hungry and there was no food in sight. He lost it. Screaming at the top of his lungs at a pitch that breaks things. Julie took him outside. NEVER mind my other 3 (out of 4, Isaac was at a car race) being perfect. Sam looked in the window and saw us eating (bread) and came in. When it wasn't chicken he broke down worse then before. This time I took him outside, I had to drag him b/c he wasn't walking. Mind you he is 89 pounds and taller then my 9 year old. EVERYONE was staring, pointing, shaking their hands, commenting. When we got outside Sam was still throwing himself on the ground and screaming. Here it comes.

I had had it. I was tired, I was broken hearted about my son. Along comes a 90 year old women. First she glared at me and Sam, then said something to her husband, then pointed and stared. I said, "DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME?" She responded, "I would never let my kid act like that."

I said, "Did you see my other 4 kids in there being perfect?"

"I wouldn't let any of my kids act like that"

Ok, game on "F... you, he has autism and can't help it."

To which she responded, "my kids weren't like that, you should make him stop"

"Go to HE!!, HAS AUTISM, he has cancer, he can't help it. (he is sick Childrens we should call tomorrow for an appointment). I wish he could talk and stop"

"Well I had no idea"

"Then shut the F up, what gives you the right to say what ever you want, when ever you want. Who the hell are you? What you think you are so old you can say anything you want to anyone you want. GO TO HE!!"

At that point she said something about how dare you. "How dare me? F you you GD old hag, go to He!!."

I told you it was ugly, I was yelling too. Her husband looked like he been wanting to say those things for a years.

At that they left. At the tail end of this, a guy walked in. Then he came back out. I was ready to go toe-to-toe with anyone. He came back out and said, "You'll make it, I did and so will you" I felt I had to point out I had 4 more in there being perfect. He said he did it with 7, you'll make it. THANK YOU

So I put Sam in the car. I'm sure someone called the cops. I drove home crying. I told Sam that he won, all I wanted was dinner with his mom. It was a special day for mom and you ruined it. "Go to he!! Sam" I told him I hated him. I told him that I wish we had an aid, so he could set at home and the rest of us could be a family.

I said those things to my son. My oldest son. My beautiful Sam that taught me to love people not like me. People with special needs. If it weren't for Sam I never would have seen the grace of God so clearly. I love my son. I know my words hurt him, they hurt me. I cried all the way home, I cried until Julie got home an hour latter. I actually wished I didn't have a Sam.

God, I'm so sorry for the words I used, for the thoughts I had. I know that you gave me Sam, I'm so blessed because of him.

So there it is, I broke testimony yesterday. I went from cloud nine straight to he!! in about 3 hours. I still feel empty inside though.

I bet it looked really good too. A 300lb 34 year old guy putting a 90 year old 80lb women in her place